Married or not you should read this…

Married or not you should read this… Personally, I thought this story exposed something that we always take for granted… Our Love Ones.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you….

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Sharing from Cathy Ygona.

What is Mistake? And how We Deal With Mistakes

We all know what mistakes are, but for me, mistakes are like the portals of discovery where we keep the lessons learnt for the betterment of ourselves.

We are all human and human beings are imperfect. We are fallible. No matter how hard we try, how wise and experienced we are, or how often we practise, no one can escape the fact that sometimes, we fail. We all make mistakes. What sets the winners from the losers is how they handle setbacks. Do we get upset? Do we go into denial? Do we make ourselves feel so bad that it becomes harder and harder to leave the ground each time we fall?

Mistakes are not necessarily bad, meaningless or useless. They are a crucial element in our path of knowledge and improvement. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you grow, and the more likely you’ll be able to shine brighter in future.

When you were a young growing child, how were you supposed to know the oven was hot? Even with your parent’s warning, “It’s Hot”. But what is Hot to you? How do you know? It’s either when you touch it, or better, your siblings did. Only than you know what is Hot. Or that when you say something impolite you’ll hurt someone’s feelings? If you make a mistake, at least you made a valiant attempt. At least you wouldn’t be stuck in that limbo of not knowing whether you would succeed or not.

Very often, we take mistakes far too seriously. So you made a mistake, so what? The world keeps turning, and the bugs keep biting. It’s not a question of “I made a mistake, I’m so sorry, I was such a fool”. Rather, it’s a question of “Ok, I messed up. What am I going to do about it? How can I avoid making the same mistake again?”

The best leaders out there are the ones who made the most mistakes but learnt from them. The ones that never discovered or acknowledged their faux pas never made it into the business world and never made a difference in their own life, or the world.

We all fail. But only a handful truly learns from their mistakes or even better, other’s mistakes. And these are the ones who will eventually go on to achieve great success and wisdom.

To conclude, I would like to quote:

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 – 1915)

Raising Thinking Children

Do you find that you have to constantly tell your child what to do? Brush your teeth, clear up your toys, make your bed, finish your homework, put on your shoes, walk on the pavement, don’t watch TV too close to the screen and so on? The list can be endless especially if you have a very young child.

As parents, it’s natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn’t do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we’re teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.

This is not to say however that parents shouldn’t guide their children. Just don’t keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?

If you’re sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children’s ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying “Brush your teeth now!”, try asking “What do you need to do before having breakfast?”

Asking children questions give them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves –

“What do you need to do after dinner?”,

“What do you need to do before we can go out?

” Before you head to the zoo, ask “Do you have everything you need?”

The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.

Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the “questioning”, “gently guiding” approach consistently, you’ll find that over time, you don’t even need to remind your child anymore.

HAPPY PARENTHOOD

Reference from Slice of Life